True story from the WordPerfect Helpline!

This is a true story from the WordPerfect helpline. Needless, to say the helpdesk employee was fired: however, he/she is currently suing the WordPerfect organization for "Termination without Cause."

Actual dialog of a former WordPerfect Customer Support

Employee: "Ridge Hall computer assistant; may I help you?"

Customer: "Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect."
 

Employee: "What sort of trouble?"

Customer: "Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away."
 

Employee: "Went away?"

Customer: "They disappeared."
 

Employee: "Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?"

Customer: "Nothing."
 

Employee: "Nothing?"

Customer: "It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type."
 

Employee: "Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?"

Customer: "How do I tell?"
 

Employee: "Can you see the c:\prompt on the screen?"

Customer: "What's a sea-prompt?"
 

Employee: "Never mind. Can you move the cursor around on the screen?"

Customer: "There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't accept anything I type."
 

Employee: "Does your monitor have a power indicator?"

Customer: "What's a monitor?"
 

Employee: "It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on?"

Customer: "I don't know."
 

Employee: "Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that?"

Customer: "Yes, I think so."
 

Employee: "Great! Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the wall."

Customer: "Yes, it is."
 

Employee: "When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one?"

Customer: "No."
 

Employee: "Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable."

Customer: "Okay, here it is."
 

Employee: "Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of your computer."

Customer: "I can't reach."
 

Employee: "Uh huh. Well can you see if it is?"

Customer: "No"
 

Employee: "Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over?"

Customer: "Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle-it's because it's dark."
 

Employee: "Dark?"

Customer: "Yes, the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window."
 

Employee: "Well, turn on the office light then."

Customer: "I can't."
 

Employee: "No? Why not?"

Customer: "Because there's a power outage."
 

Employee: "A power....A power outage? Aha! Okay, we've got it licked now. Do you still have the box and manuals and packing stuff you computer came in?"

Customer: "Well, yes, I keep them in the closet."
 

Employee: "Good! Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from."
 

Customer: "Really? Is it that bad?"

Employee: "Yes, I'm afraid it is."
 

Customer: "Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them?"

Employee: "Tell them you're too stupid to own a computer!"

 
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